Being a mother is a lifelong role, but when your children grow up, the rules of the game change. It’s heartbreaking when well-intended actions push your adult children away. But guess what? It’s never too late to rebuild, reconnect, and reclaim the loving bond you cherish.
Here are seven common mistakes moms make with their adult kids , and how to fix them, starting today.
1. Offering Unsolicited Advice (Even When It’s Well-Meaning)
You’ve been their guide all their lives. But now? They want to make their own decisions. Constantly offering advice feels like criticism to them, even when you mean well.
How to Fix It: Instead of giving advice, ask them, “Would you like my opinion or just someone to listen?” Respect their choice and watch how they open up to you more.
2. Guilt-Tripping Them About Time Spent Together
We miss them. Desperately. But reminding them of how little they visit or call only makes them feel resentful instead of loved.
How to Fix It: Show joy and excitement when they do reach out instead of disappointment when they don’t. Positive reinforcement is powerful!
3. Trying to Control Their Life Choices
You’ve spent years teaching them values, but now it’s their turn to choose their own paths. Insisting on doing things your way only creates distance.
How to Fix It: Accept their choices and trust you’ve raised them well. Celebrate their wins, even if they choose a different path than you expected.
4. Ignoring Boundaries (Even Accidentally)
It’s easy to fall into the habit of calling them too often or showing up unannounced. But boundaries matter more than ever in adult relationships.
How to Fix It: Have an open conversation about what feels comfortable for both of you. Respecting their boundaries will make them want to spend more time with you.
5. Judging Their Partners or Friends
Their loved ones are important to them, even if they aren’t your favorite people. Criticizing their choice of friends or partners only drives a wedge between you.
How to Fix It: Focus on building your own positive relationship with them. Love their loved ones to love them better.
6. Expecting Them to Fulfill Your Emotional Needs
It’s natural to want your kids to be a part of your happiness, but leaning on them too heavily for emotional support can feel overwhelming to them.
How to Fix It: Find other sources of joy and fulfillment. Whether it’s friendships, hobbies, or community work, having your own happiness outside of them will draw them closer.
7. Not Apologizing When You’re Wrong
Mothers aren’t perfect. But sometimes, holding onto pride prevents us from making amends.
How to Fix It: A sincere apology can heal years of hurt. Be humble. Be honest. And don’t be afraid to say, “I was wrong, and I’m sorry.”
Final Thoughts:
It’s not easy to acknowledge these mistakes. But the beautiful part is, change is always possible. With patience, understanding, and a willingness to grow, you can nurture a relationship that’s not only loving but mutually fulfilling.
Ready to reconnect with your adult kids? It all starts with a single heartfelt conversation.